"22"

Here's 22 ways to describe how you amaze,
proving that you're more than just a girl with a pretty face.


1) Inspiring,
a form of enlightening
me to believe there's release in what I'm writing.

2) Strong,
like the notes in a song,
like the hope in a mom that we need to carry on.

3) Passionate,
a quality thats immaculate,
you believe in dreams that are free from all accidents.

4) Ambitious,
you explore more than wishes
your dreams are unconflicted with no need for assistance.

5) Balanced,
in your life and in your talents,
in the way you behave to the way you brave a challenge.

6) Gentle,
all the nervousness you settle
with your touch you feel like the silkiness of rose pedals.

7) Seductive,
heaven when you're touching
the surface of my soul, in control of my adjustments.

8) Intelligent,
you never make irrelevant
statements, you create your placement with no embellishment.

9) Mysterious,
divine yet delirious,
defining the line from never mind to what's serious.

10) Caring,
there to lend a sharing
helping hand to her man when he's trying to get his bearing.

11) Riveting,
splendid when delivering
your soul as its singing to every single one that's listening.

12) Stylish,
you always look the nicest,
from your clothes to your shoes to the way you move your eyelids.

13) Sexy,
flirting thoughts of ecstasy,
hurting and yearning to have you turning right next to me.

14) Mature,
you form a secure
curtain around the certainty that absurdness can occur.

15) Adventurous,
whatever your endeavor is,
you cleverly discover treasures using pure precedence.

16) Intriguing,
seeing is believing,
so I'm conceiving a reason that keeps me from ever leaving.

17) Gorgeous,
like a stream in the forest
that's cleansing the earth and giving birth to all her sources.

18) Exquisite,
making a prolific,
artistic way of creating, reinstating that you're gifted.

19) Alluring,
an enticement that's asserting
every man would be dying to be the one that is deserving.

20) Confident,
you strive for accomplishments,
your goals keep control of anyone from ever stopping it.

21) Determined,
in what you know and what you're learning,
your true desire is the fuel that keeps the fire burning.

22) Lovely,
because even on your ugliest days
I feel the rays of the sun come from under me.

Wondering about 23 and 24?
That's just more to explore about a woman I adore.



"Sacrifice"

For more than half my life, I've had to sacrifice.
But almost every moment with you I've had to bring it full force.
The course of your actions has pushed me to attack with reactions.
Some of which were just intrusions of unmeasured confusion.
I used to think that you only found some amusement in my pain.
But now I think that you do it just to use it for your own gain.
And why is it always me that you blame no matter who is at fault?
And when you don't get your way everything must be brought to a halt?
Why can't you just admit any guilt and try to rebuild on the truth?
That we have right angles to use but still you choose to keep them obtuse.
We are always going to lose if you continue to abuse my emotions.
I used to cry so many rivers, but now I'm trying to hold back an ocean.
It's like you hope that I overdose and choke on my road to recovery.
That my love is just a joke or a hoax that provokes you to uncover me.
Why can't you keep in the feelings that are increased on the weekends,
instead of shouting nothing but doubt and loudly going off the deep end?
Keep in mind the things you have done that have made me dead inside.
Then think about how intense it has been for me to hold on and fight.
Go on and try and make my mistakes come as close to being as wrong.
And you will see how strong I've had to be to stay with you this long.
You want to tell me what two people in love should do and how to act?
But in fact the kind of love that you give back can never keep us intact.
It's obvious you enjoy trying to destroy every ounce of my respect.
That you sit there and grin as you begin your next step of neglect.
Every time we split you insist that the pain never comes to an end.
So you kick me when I'm crushed and go and lust for a new friend.
You want to see how mad I can get by flirting with someone adequate?
But it's your etiquette that's letting it be definite that you're devilish.
You couldn't stop for even a second before injecting some more hurt?
You don't care for me because you would bury me if you had enough dirt.
And the hole you continue to cut into my heart is never deep enough.
I'd be lucky if you cut me to where I had almost nothing left to clutch.
At least then I could try and keep it from relapsing me closer to death.
But right now it's closer than it's ever been to collapsing from stress.
And you always tell me that actions speak much louder than words.
Well my heart screams a million times louder every time this occurs.
It's all about sacrifice and I sacrificed every inch of my patience.
I sacrificed my tears and my mind and my time for you to erase it.
I sacrificed my hopes and my trust and my love for you to take it.
And I sacrificed my soul and my life and my heart for you to break it.



"A Picture Without A Frame"

The only love I've known is filled with patience and pain.
They say time will test me but I just don't feel the same.
I drown myself in liquor to try and cover all these stains,
Still I sit here and miss her, a picture without a frame.

They say love is battlefield, but to us it was a playground.
I sit here and remember yet I'm on the verge of a breakdown.
As the day goes by, every minute is more haunting the next.
And I can't seem to find comfort in the reality of my stress.
The confusion from her actions rattles my brain like a snake.
My love for her is real but there's only so much I can take.
Insanity is an undertone when describing my broken soul.
It seems to pump vicious pain with an unremarkable hold.
I keep seeing that night stab through my head like a knife.
How she threw herself willingly at the strangers of the night.
These were once hard thoughts that would make any man cry.
But to my surprise she was doing them right in front of my eyes.
Seeing someone invite and entice a flurry of random men.
Is no way to treat someone you love or even call a friend.
Every time I reached for her she pushed me away in disgust.
I held back my tears as I saw her shatter the core of my trust.
I stormed out of the torture and held my face in my hands.
She made me feel less than loved and even less of a man.
Was her intention to hurt and cripple everything that we built?
To make me feel like fool and to be fully covered in guilt?
I'm so confused on how one can love yet show so much hate.
I offered her my love but she only seemed to deliver my fate.
All the things I put up with in the hopes that she would return.
The lies, the guys, the uncontrollable feelings of being burnt.
I don't blame her for not wanting to reach and take my hand.
But what I don't understand is why she leaved me to chance.
When she told me that she loved me, I felt she was honest.
But seeing her want to hurt me made it crush any promise.
I don't know what to do or better yet what I should think.
I can't even seem to blink without taking another drink.
I believed in a hopeful future that's why I wrote her a song.
An unreleased glimpse of affection that will forever stand strong.
I just wished she took the words to heart instead of the music.
For maybe she would have kept herself from making me lose it.
Her apology seemed so distant as if it was simply just a sign.
That things happen for a reason so she is leaving me behind.
Her actions make me think of what was lies and what was true.
When she said nothing happened, did she really follow through?
I mean if she could do this to me when we were sharing our time.
It makes me think the worst happened when I wasn't by her side.
That night will forever haunt every waking moment I endure.
For now I am no longer complete and I am no longer pure.
And even though I've lost my heart and I will never be the same.
Still I sit here and miss her, a picture without a frame.

Still I sit here and miss her...

I'm just a picture without a frame...



"No More Tears"

I have no more tears for anyone anymore.
I've cried a thousand times over a million fights
and despite my longing to be full of love, full of light,
I can only take so much punishment that can ruin my life.

I love with everything that I've got
and I can no longer be held back by promises of change.
I'm currently deranged and I find it strange
how one so close can purposely stain
and rearrange my brain to thinking I'm lame.

When I love, I love before, during and after the fact,
because I believe in the act of keeping intact the connection of affection
and the reflection of days where we laid on our backs and embraced each other's ways.
Promises crumble and words of hate during times of love steady cover my face.
It kills a man inside when right in front of his eyes
he sees someone he holds so close,
provoke his worst fears and like it's a joke tries to choke him to tears.

Sometimes I find myself wondering why and how a queen of heaven can have the devil inside.

Despite my cries that I still possess love,
she straps on her gloves and invites others to fuck
and it hurts to see how she handles a breakup.
She throws on some makeup and refuses to wake up
and makes up a list of guys who will lay up inside of her thighs
and it's no surprise when they take up her time,
their interest will be finished when she tries to open her mind.

Little does she know, she will never grow or find a man worth her time
by just throwing her body because that looks sloppy and blind.
One nice band leads to one night stands leads to one right man
is not the equation for making a statement that your making a plan.

A plan of giving?
How about receiving respect?
It's deceiving believing how you're treating neglect.
I wish we could be together, forever and more,
but I see how you respond when I walk out the door.

And I tried to hold on to the fact that we still possessed a love
that would keep us from obsessing over the raining and floods.

I'm sorry I had to end it but don't second guess it
that I see that your weapon is to reach out and wreck it.

Now was not our time but who knows about the future,
but you're killing any hopes by hoping that I lose it.
Hoping that I'll fall,
hoping that I'll hurt,
hoping that I'll cry when I see you flaunt and flirt.

But it's not gonna work because I have no more tears,
I only have a memory of you,
but it's the one of you loving
not the one I'm seeing through.



"The Love of Loving"

Pain is a stain that bleeds through my brain,
it drips on my conscience and leaves me to blame.
The hurt once inflicted has indicted my misses,
my suspicion is vicious, it rips her to sickness.
Mistakes drill and fill the masses of my years,
it attacks and it rashes the glasses of my tears.
My worth is now a birth of a hope laced with trust,
but what's worse is the hurt I've traced with my brush.

I've crushed.

I've crushed the love of loving. The love of my lover loving and trusting the
understanding of my plan of me being a man. A man who will respect and
never neglect or invest time into investigating the remaining time she spends
away from my wondering mind. A man who will no longer accuse or abuse
using words filled with hate or make her lose or choose her fate based on
what's on her truthful plate. A man who will try and cry and die for her right
to be right or wrong despite my longing to be wrongfully right. I might catch
the next flight whether morning or night, whether the weather is scorned or
whether the weather is right, just so I can finally release what I write into
words of steel, reeling my feelings into something that's real. Real like my
pounding heart beating in sync to the sounds of her mind defining thoughts
that she thinks. Real like her soft touch thrusting and brushing my skin like
some dust in the wind, steady clutching my chin while inducting my sins and
whispering...I love you baby...with a lustfully grin. Real like tasting my love's
neck while racing towards sunsets for the chance that we can romance and
dance as lovers to the bleeding colors of a leading summer. Real like her
intense beauty. But screw all the lies. The truth is I've never seen more beauty
until I looked in her eyes. See for me, it's always the first time. And not since
the day of my first rhyme have I seen so much beauty being expressed in my
eye line. However words cannot describe how this princess, this queen,
this dream, this scene from a fantasy of flowers and seeds grows and holds
my heart complete. She's leaves me free. Free to believe there is life in my
ways, hope in tomorrow, love in today. Free to cry for those lost and those
knowing, showing me I'm still free, even if it's me that is going. Free to know
that my soul will grow with every stroll down a sandy beach with her gentle
hand just in my reach. I want her to know that I will reach for her. I will reach
until my rancid thoughts are bleached and we can keep dancing to the sweet
memories of our own splendid heaven. You see, losing your world smothers
you in fear, but it makes you realize, it makes it all clear. I need her. I need
to feel the love of her loving. I need to love the loving of her. And I will. I will.
I will be that man. For her, for myself, for us. I just hope it's not too late.



"I Think"

Not a wink of sleep, not a wink to drink,
but in a wink of clarity I collapse and think.

I think of the great days of amazing laze,
laying awake and embracing your taste.
I think of the mistakes that break and make
my face escape through the pain that aches.
I think of the hugs, the rubs, the lies, the shrugs,
the clubs, the drugs, the oversized bugs.
I think of the love, the hurt, the burns from rugs,
the learning, the yearning, the lust, the rush.

I think and I think...

I think I'm on the brink of losing my one,
my lover, my friend, my world, my sun.
I think I'm on the edge, the corner, the ledge,
clutching the memory of you rubbing my head.
I think I'm crying and dying for the heat of your breath,
your words, your wisdom, the curves of your neck.
I think I'm trying and fighting for today, for tomorrow,
for the past, for the future, for the joy, for the sorrow.

I think. I think. All I can do is think.

I think of your smile after I tickle your waist.
I think of your lashes attacking my face.
I think of your giggle and the sound that it makes.
I think of your warmth invading my space.

I think of your beauty that entices my life.
I think of your eyes always blinding my sight.
I think of your arms squeezing me tight.
I think of your voice keeping me up all night.

I think of your nails gripping my skin.
I think of your hands lifting my chin.
I think of your bruises that cover your shins.
I think of your hair that smothers the wind.

I think of your drive for teaching the youth.
I think of your strive for speaking the truth.
I think of your promise of showing me proof.
I think of your thoughts of letting me loose.

I think of the paths we've crossed, the paths we've lead,
the paths we've paved and the paths we've fled.

I think of the days of laughter, the days of disgust,
the days that came after the days that we've crushed.

I think of the moments of bliss, the moments awakened,
the moments i've lost and the moments i've taken.

I think of the life you've shared, the life you're living,
the life I once had and now the life I've been given.

I am merely just a man, a poet, a stinker,
a lover, a fighter, a dreamer, a drinker.

I hope you will think of me when you lay down to sleep...

For it's then that I'm complete, it's then that I'll whisper...

Sweet dreams beautiful girl. You made me a thinker.



"A Flight To Nowhere"

I'm afraid to open my eyes.
If i do my tears will continue to burn and swallow them.
It seems as if I am on a plane to nowhere.
My hands clutch the arm rests as we soar off the ground.
I refuse to look anywhere but down but it's not because I'm embarrassed,
it's because my emotions are restraining my strength
and keeping me from holding my own.

I feel a soft hand reach out and gently grab mine which is starting to shake violently.
I slowly start to open my eyes only to see a blurry vision
of an old lady staring at my desperate face of sadness.

I take my left hand and I smear the tears away from my scorching pupils.
As my eyes begin to focus,
I see that this old lady's only concern is why a young man like me
is refusing to hold back his tears.

I just look at her patiently and then glance down to see her hand gripping mine tightly.
I look back up at her... she nods her head and whispers,
"it's okay... it's okay."
She reminds me of my grandmother.
Small and feisty yet full of hope and life.

I mouth the words thank you because my mouth is incapable of releasing any sound.
I already know this old lady realizes why I am breaking down.
She doesn't even have to say it...
I can tell right away she has lived a lifetime of loves and heartbreaks just by the look in her eye.
She pats my hand a few times and turns to look out the window.
My sorrow is beginning to take her over and she has no more tears left for a stranger.

I grab my shirt and wipe my face dry and lean my heavy head back against the head rest.
I want to take a deep breath but I'm scared that I'll start choking.
I can already see that some of the other passengers are looking in my direction
probably thinking to themselves that I am afraid of flying.
I pay them no mind and I look up towards the ceiling
and stare at the seat belt light still illuminated
which actually makes me feel less and less safe.

I start to lose myself in my own head.
Minutes fly by as I constantly remember her touch.
I have no idea what is next for me and it sends chills down my spine.
All i know is I love her and I hope she knows how much she means to me
and how truly sorry I am that I took her down this windy road.
I turn my head back towards the old lady next to me for some salvation
needing to see her mouth those words of hope to me once again
only to notice she is asleep in her own world of memories of roads traveled and missed.

I hear the dinging sound of the seat belt light go off
inviting people to roam free throughout the cabin.
I look around amongst a sea of drowning faces.
I am once again alone in this world.
I shut my eyes as once again, the tears begin to fall,
grasping the thoughts of yesterday and fearing the thought of tomorrow.



"Two"

Hey you,

you, you, you...

do you know the things that your love can do?

It can make me fiend, it can make me new,
it can make me scream, it can make me blue,
it can make me dream, it can make me true...

But you know what?

It made me no longer one... for now I am two...

For now I see what life can be when you're free to dance under the sun
with not just me, not just one, but with you, for now I am two.

I do things that bring the sun to sing, the moon to shoot from dawn to dusk,
I do it for me and I do it for us, but always for you, for now I am two.

Ten fingers and ten toes, both become twenty which is plenty to hold,
so much to see, so much to breathe when you have four eyes and double the nose,
for now I know, now I will grow, not for show, and not to glow,
not for me and not for glee, but for you, for now I am two.

Now I can grab tomorrow and laugh at today, skip past the past and follow the way,
the future is bright, my love is amazed, I'll hold it tight, I'll never give it away,
for I see it's power, I see it's grace, I see it's beauty, I see it's face,
I see it's true, I see it's real, I see it's you, for now I am two.



"Found and Lost"

Relationships, can't seem to get them straight.
Always looking towards tomorrow hoping that will be a better day,
because yesterday was great but see I want the whole package.
My heart's never absent, it's never masked in my actions.
Stacking high hopes which weights down these shoulders,
dreaming something long lasting never screaming that it's over,
but I'm getting closer to the edge, what am I supposed to do but wedge
my heart in you and hope that you don't push me off the ledge.
I've spent time alone and I've spent time thinking,
I've spent time at home most of that time I spent drinking.
Sinking like the Titantic, wondering if my mind's going frantic,
manic depression testing every answer that I question.
Guessing there's a lesson to be learned from all this running,
like how to digest all the tides that turn in my stomach.
Something's got to change because my brain is pouring pain
in my heart, I'm in the dark thinking about the spark we exchanged.
Will it ever strike again, will I get the chance
to be the man to gently grab your hand for this last dance?
When I glance into your eyes I see that you're feeling me,
but if looks could kill then I guess that's why you're killing me.
Silly me for thinking that I ever had a shot
because I always called you beautiful instead of saying that you're hot.
When I stop to think about us losing that link,
I sink into depression about us losing that connection.
And if I didn't mention my confession that I thought we had direction
would you question for a second my affection?
I'm guessing the latter, and stressing to gather
all the thoughts that scatter between what I want and what matters.
I'd rather step into oblivion and I know that's just giving in,
but you were my girl, you was the world that I'm living in.
But I guess this is the end again, guess I'm just a friend again,
but it bothers me there's no more quality time for us to spend again.
I wish we could begin again, I wish I could make you sing again,
but I can't because to you I'm just an ant, trying to be the king again.
What do you mean, what do I mean? Did you forget that you're a queen?
I never wanted to be king, just a prince waiting in your dreams.
But it seems as if, ignorance is bliss.
Do you know on my birthday, being with you was my only wish?
Probably not, you didn't even call me on my birthday,
you were probably to busy trying to figure out the worst way
to work me and desert me, the perfect way to hurt me.
You made me feel like a jerk, when you were the one being jerky.
And I'm searching now for some sort of reason,
how you could get up and leave, it makes me have trouble breathing.
Even if I was subtle, I'd still crumble with emotion
hoping one day soon, you could save me from this ocean.
Floating out to sea, only the breeze keeps me conscious,
still haunted by your words, that it's finished, you don't want this.
All the limits you set on how close I could get,
diluted our future is that something you regret?
It damn well better be if you ever want to consider me
part of your life whether that's right or just stupidity.
Which brings me to this, do you remember the time
right after you dumped me and you pulled me aside?
You asked me if I knew what it felt like to cry,
now I'm asking you, do you know what it feels like to die?

I do.



"Eyes Fly"

Eyes fly wide open as the alarm clock chirps and stings my fragile eardrum.
Today is a new day, a new chapter, a new birth. The sharp, intense light creeps
through my dusty drapes blinding my conscious and burying my fears of yesterday.
The pain has ceased. A fresh new love curls around my jagged ribcage clutching
and pulling herself inside my warmth. I look up at the cracked ceiling to see the
hatred I possessed for way too long drip heavily towards the carpeted world beneath
me, drowning the monsters that swarm under my bed. I am now free. Free from a
past love so twisted. Free from days of grey and thoughts of black. A soft tear
formulates in my crusted eye and rolls slowly down my cheek, gently kissing the
forehead of a possible new future. An uncontrollable smile is sculpted as I wipe the
single tear away from her innocent beauty. She has no idea of how much my life
has been scarred. Her breath fills the tobacco stained air with an instant aroma of
hope. I breathe in deeply and embrace the smell of tomorrow. The first stitch has
been woven in the efforts to save my broken and shattered heart. I wrap my still
numbed arm around her small yet firm body grasping every inch of her dark skin.
I can feel her soul dancing with mine. She slowly awakens and lifts her head towards
my opened ear... I have to tell you something... I... I... eyes fly wide open as the
alarm clock chirps and stings my fragile eardrum. Today is once again yesterday,
the same chapter, a stillbirth. I am alone.



"Goodnight"

Alone, my limp, hallowed body has crashed on the hardwood floor.
The cheap, bitter vodka slowly drooling out the side of mouth
becomes a polluted river of broken dreams,
flowing through the dusty cracks of my silent home.

What am I doing here? Why can't my mind just forget about her?
Why do I drink and drink and think and drink and think
uncontrollable drunkenness will sink my wounded heart
into the ocean of distilled alcohol that rolls violently in my belly?

Why does the pain stain and drain my brain to a point where sometimes
I can't look in the mirror without crying at the sight of my own face?

...A disgrace. A disgrace.

I'm just a disgrace that's been misplaced, misused, misunderstood,
misconstrued and misinterpreted as someone who still possesses a soul.

Hard to believe I know,
but you see I sold that soul for a roll of quarters
so I could call my lost love at home from the nearest pay phone
in the hopes that my dearest will answer the unrecognized number.
For I already know she won't pick it up if she sees my name on the caller ID.

See to me the sea of confusion is constantly intruding
and drowning my own thoughts.
Confusion on if she really does care.
Confusion on why she feels the need to stare into someone else's eyes,
why she puts up with someone else's clouded lies,
why she let's someone else dry her unforgettable tears when she cries.

Why can't it be I?
As in I, I mean me.
As in me, I mean we.
As in we, I mean us.

Why can't it be us that rub and clutch together
and huff and puff like the weather that touches this crusted world like a silk brush
creating beauty within every turn and thrust?

Is it too much?
Is it too much to ask?
Is it too much to answer?
Is it too much to conceive and believe
that the leaves of this tree that we seeded with survive this storm?
This flurry of uncertainty,
this hurricane of hurt,
this tornado that keeps us torn and apart?

Not since the start, have we been so distant.
And it feels as if I'm prisoned in my own memories
like dancing to Louis Armstrong like two old souls with young hearts,
longing and lusting to feel each other's breath gently tickle our naked necks.

The memory of watching her sleep with her head beneath my chin,
curled like a new born infant secure and warm underneath my freckled and pale arm.
The memory of having her in my memory every morning
when i woke from dreaming of memories past and yet to be seen.

Is it me?
Or does it seem as if this disconnection has infected our daily routine?

I mean, we leave it as friends,
but at the end of every single day, she's still away.
Communication is concealed.
All ties are tangled and disrupted.
To me, it just doesn't seem right.

I want to hear her voice.

I want to hear her breathe.

But all I really want to do is to say goodnight...



"Listen"

When I'm lost all that I seem to do is listen...
listen to all the rain wash away in the distance,
listen to my mind try to define the time we live in,
and I listen to my soul try and fight it's condition.

When I'm sad all that I seem to do is cry...
cry uncontrollably and I cry just to cry,
cry through all the fears that make me want to die,
and I cry away the pain that fills the emptiness inside.

When I'm mad all that I seem to do is run...
run past the reasoning that the bleeding's just begun,
run away from the courage that can make me overcome,
and I run until there's darkness and blame it on the sun.

When I'm alone all that I seem to do is listen...
listen for your voice and I listen with persistence,
listen for your call only to find that I'm wishing,
and I listen to my heart tell me all that I'm missing.

I listen for the moment that you tell me that you miss me,
I listen for the day that you reach out your hand,
I listen for the time that you tell me that you love me,
I listen for the chance to let you know, I understand.

Listen to your heart when it tells you that you love me.

Listen. Listen. Listen...



"What To Do?"

Love is to hold, to mold, to forgive, to forget,
to cherish, to embarrass, to sacrifice regrets,
to believe, to lead, to follow, to guide,
to be true, to see through, to swallow your pride,
to cry, to stand by, to develop, to learn,
to admire, to desire, to honor, to yearn,
to dream, to lean, to trust, to touch,
to reach, to leap, to never give up.

Hate is to despise, to lie, to crush, to annoy,
to cheat, to beat, to hurt and destroy,
to leave, to mislead, to shatter, to scar,
to distress, to repress, to take it too far,
to reject, to neglect, to deceive, to burn,
to dismiss, to trick, to ruin, to turn,
to deface, to erase, to harm, to deny,
to take, to break, to make someone cry.

I don't know what to do.